There are two types of people: those who hate summer, and those who hate winter. The summer-hating crowd, populated largely by goths and others who like to dress in extravagant layers, claims that it’s not possible to become cooler past a certain point of undress. By contrast, the winter-haters, bouncy sun-bunnies that they are, will tell you that there’s only so warm you can become before additional layers become untenable.

That’s how it seems to me, anyway. I feel like I’m just about the only person in the world with the capacity to be moderate on this topic. I mean, sure, we all feel too hot at times, and likewise we’ve all experienced being too cold. That’s the price we pay for having a central nervous system, and I don’t see how it justifies all this seasonal hatred. At the end of the day, we live in the age of air conditioning, passive cooling, high-tech waterproof fibres, and ducted gas heating systems. Melbourne locals have plenty of perfectly temperate and easily accessible hangout spots, and half of the people I hear complaining have climate controlled homes as well.

I get that people can ‘run hot’ or ‘run cold’ or whatever, and maybe I’m just unusually balanced in the body temperature department. I do believe it’s just a little bit in the mind, though. If you get into your head that particular ambient conditions are intolerable, they’re going to be intolerable. I guess it’s a different kettle of fish if, like, your heating system suddenly crashes and you can’t get it fixed until next week despite calling every central heating repairs company within Melbourne. I can understand someone having a bit of a whinge in that situation. Really, though, how often does that happen?

Still, it’s fun to try and figure out if someone’s a summer-hater or a winter-hater. This is a particularly fun guessing game to play when people-watching. I classify people based on how well they’ve dressed for the weather, combined with the level of dismay on their face.