Should I be suspicious that my daughter wants to ‘future proof’ my bathroom? She’s been trying to get me, the great Darus ‘Courage’ Johnson, to get bathtub modifications for months now. I’m not some old guy who can’t even walk right! I’m a famous daredevil who doesn’t need assistance of any kind. I’ve never been so insulted in my entire life. I suspect that these futurism adjustments for my bathroom are just an excuse to install some bathtub solutions for the elderly. I ain’t elderly! I’m in the prime of my life at sixty years old. I’ve never felt better! Sure, my arthritis is pretty annoying and I’ve got several bones still healing from my final stunt which went horribly wrong and forced me to retire from my daredevil career, but other than that, I feel absolutely fine!

Sam said that she definitely hasn’t spoken to a Sydney bathtub conversion business, but I don’t know if I can believe her. It’s not like she promised or anything. Then again, it is possible that she just wants to treat me to something nice. Hopefully, I get a chromed-out bathroom, because that does sound pretty cool. Chrome is my favourite type of metallic finish. It just screams daredevil. I’ll be very disappointed if this turns out to be a big ruse. Maybe I’ll transform my bathtub into some kind of stunt vehicle. Put some wheels on it and roll down a ramp, just to spite Sam. Yeah, that sounds like a good plan. I’ll come out of retirement to do this final, epic stunt. That will show her.

Of course, I have nothing against bathroom modifications for the elderly. That’s an essential thing that saves lives, but I just don’t think I need it. I’m in great shape. What are the chances that I slip in the tub? Absolutely zero per cent. It’s simply not going to happen. The great Darus ‘Courage’ Johnson does not slip in a bathtub! Most certainly not!