It’s my sister’s wedding next week, and I’ve got nothing to wear! That’s because all my presentable clothes are in storage while I finish off overseeing the renovation of Tina and Terry’s new home. This service is my wedding present to them, as per Tina’s request – she told me she didn’t want to deal with it on top of planning a wedding.

The renovation would have been finished two weeks ago if Tina hadn’t done a complete turnaround on the bathroom design at the last minute (apparently, rose gold is on its way out – who knew?). Now, listen up: bathroom renovations, Melbourne, are not the easiest thing to cohabit with, and it was kind of painful for me to see the half-complete remodelling job be ripped apart for the new features to be installed. Tina and Terry, meanwhile, are breezily ensconced in a luxury penthouse in the CBD. 

Fortunately, I’m not paying for any of this – Tina’s got the means to have as many changes of mind as she likes, really. But I can see now why she didn’t want to be in charge of this process. She genuinely needs someone like me to take a practical attitude to the renovation project and reign in her whimsical spending somewhat.

Take the kitchen, for example. Tina really went to town on special features she’ll never use. It had to go back to the drawing board twice when it became demonstrably apparent that a custom kitchen renovation was about more than simply having the latest and biggest of everything – it’s also about having room to breathe.

Tina is what you might call brassy: nothing is ‘too much’ when it comes to aesthetics. I, on the other hand, am more into subtlety. That’s clearly why she wanted me to take charge of this operation, but has she listened to my advice? Not really. Still, having me involved probably has taken the pressure of her, and I’m sure she appreciates it. 

I can’t help but wonder what this wedding’s going to be like. I’d better go and dig out my loudest cocktail outfit.