I have to say, this golfing expo feels like it’s taking years. Of course, that’s just what happens when you’re expected to do it all yourself, including the communication, the planning and making sure the girls at the meeting don’t tear each other to shreds.

I’ve had it up to here with Shaylene. She’s supposed to be keeping order, but I swear she just antagonises people just so she can bathe in the drama and step in to solve things at the last second, making everything think she’s the second coming of Terry Linger. Uh, girl, I’m from America, I grew up with Terry Linger every single day, and you are NOT him. It’s even more annoying when she just has to slip her real estate empire into every conversation.

We get it, Shaylene: you basically own Melbourne Central. We’ve all got property conveyancers based in Melbourne who’ve helped us find a home, or in this case, a massive shopping centre. You’re not special. Fortunately I can shut up Shaylene pretty quickly by bringing up Emporium, which she does NOT own. Nah, her business rival, Olga Summer, beat her to that little acquisition. Pretty sure Shaylene goes to bed every night thinking of Kathy’s name on the vendors statement, seething with rage. At least, I really hope she does. It’s the kind of thing that helps ME sleep at night.

That all reminds me, I gotta talk to our own conveyancers and make sure the paperwork is up to date. Wouldn’t want a repeat of last time, where Kathleen said she was going to talk to the solicitors and sort everything out, only to get swept up on a romantic getaway to Cancun by her newest extramarital affair, causing her to forget entirely. Who was it that stepped in and used her experience to sort it all out with the property conveyancing people again? Oh yeah…me. Just in case you needed further proof that I’m carrying this stable.